


Chipped Cup, Chipped Heart

by L_Leonhardt



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Character Death, Could be seen as romantic, Cute Eren Yeager, Eren Yeager Is a Ray of Sunshine, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Memories, Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, Sad Ending, Sad Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), i guess, platonic ereri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:27:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28245402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_Leonhardt/pseuds/L_Leonhardt
Summary: Eren is gone.Levi and the others are left to carry on with their grief. While the raven haired cleans the late soldier's room, he finds an object that unlocks a memory of when the brunet had just joined his squad."This one is just chipped. You can barely see it...?""It's just a cup, Eren."If it was just a cup, why couldn't Levi find it in him to throw it away?
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 14
Kudos: 157





	Chipped Cup, Chipped Heart

**Author's Note:**

> A little something I wrote months ago. I wanted to post it before seeing how bad this will age once the manga ends. Btw yes, this was inspired by Once Upon a Time.  
> I hope you'll enjoy.

The hinges of the door screeched as Levi entered inside. A thin layer of dust covered all the surfaces, for Armin had stopped caring about cleanliness ever since Eren had been gone. He kept doing his bed every morning, but that was it. The lower bunk bed however, had remained unmade for months. Just like Eren had left it that morning, when they all left for Marley. Not Armin nor Levi ever thought they were going to come back home without him. The blond never fixed that bed. Those messy sheets made him feel like his best friend was still there with him. 

Eren never came back to his bed. He never came back home.

Levi sighed as he laid the empty cardboard box on the small desk. The room needed to be cleared out. It had already been assigned to new recruits, now that Armin had risen in rank and had been given a room of his own. Of course the blond took all of his own stuff with him when he moved out, but he never had the courage to touch Eren's things. He didn't want to accept his best friend was gone for good. As much as they had fought, as different as their views had been, Armin still loved him dearly.

Mikasa was so numb. Nobody had the courage to say Eren's name in her presence. She was like a ghost, haunted by grief.

The others were in too much pain, too much comrades lost in so little time. They never expected to see Eren go so soon.

The only one who could do it, was Levi.

He started from the wardrobe, where he collected his few clothes. First the civilian clothes, then his military uniforms. He folded them neatly, storing them in the box. The last piece he took, was Eren's survey corp jacket. Levi glanced behind his back; the door was closed, but one could never be too careful.

Levi took the badge, hiding it careful in the inside pocket of his jacket. He doubted he would've been able to keep anything that belonged to Eren for himself. Once the worst part of Armin and Mikasa's grief would wash away, they would've wanted to have his stuff. This was the only thing he could keep, without anyone noticing. He was going to sew on another badge in its place, before the two could ask for Eren's stuff.

Once the wardrobe had been emptied out, it was time to empty the drawers. Armin had told him Eren's was the last one. The brunet had left the other two completely to Armin, so he could keep a few books with him.

Levi sat on the bed, laying the box to his side. He opened the drawer, without however immediately checking its contents. Instead, he took Eren's pillow, hugging it and burying his face in it. He inhaled deeply, but Eren's scent was long gone. All he breathed in was dust and sorrow. Forlorn, he put it back in its place, and started emptying the drawer out. He put his hand in it absentmindedly, without even looking as he picked up random objects. As any other soldier, Eren didn't possess many things. The first item he caught, was the picture of Eren's father with his previous family. Obviously, the military didn't let him keep his father's diaries, they did however let him keep the picture. How gracious of them, really.

Eren had scribbled upon Dina's face with black ink, hiding the woman's face completely, in a moment out of pure, unadulterated rage, Levi guessed. 

Eren would've never done it with a clear mind. He felt compassion toward the mindless titans, he really did. The brunet knew what happened wasn't Dina's fault, but who could blame him for erasing her face? After all, who would want to see their mother's killer while trying to remember their father?

Levi put the picture in the box, and threw his hand in the drawer again. The second item, was Eren's key. The boy had stopped wearing it around his neck after they had been in the basement. It had served its purpose, and was now laying forgotten in a drawer. Soon to be laying forgotten in a cardboard box, until someone reclaimed it.

The third item was a journal.

Levi wondered if he should’ve taken a peek inside. The boy had been exploited and tortured, shackled and experimented on until he dropped on his knees, bleeding and exhausted. And yet he was drawing the line at reading his personal journal? Levi thought that maybe, it wasn’t just the military. He was a hypocrite too.

Still, it felt wrong. Maybe he just wasn’t ready yet. What was he so afraid of? That he’d find out he didn’t understand Eren as well as he thought? That deep down, the brunet really did use to hate him?

Levi placed the journal in the box, next to Eren’s other things. Maybe one day, he would’ve had the courage to read it. He wondered whether the blond knew that Eren was keeping a journal. Perhaps if he didn’t, Levi would’ve been able to keep it without him or Mikasa ever finding out. Able to keep it until he finally had the courage to open and read it. Without fearing anyone would’ve come to reclaim it before he had the chance.

He winced at how selfish he was being. They were Eren’s best friends, they had every right to Eren’s journal. His thoughts belonged to them, more than they had ever belonged to Levi. Nothing of Eren ever belonged to him. Not his thoughts, not his love, not his kindness, not even his friendship. And what did he expect? It's not like he ever deserved any of it.

Levi sank his hand one more time in the drawer, to collect what appeared to be the last item. It was cold, with a smooth surface.

It was a tea cup.

A white, porcelain teacup with a small chip in it. Levi stared at it in confusion, until it finally hit him.

He knew what that cup was. He remembered the day it had been chipped. It was shortly after the survey corp had gained Eren’s custody.

_A sound of kitchenware hitting the ground and glass shattering could distinctly be heard from the kitchen._

_“Pay more attention, you shitty brat!”_

_“Sorry…” Eren knelt down to pick up the kitchenware he had dropped, or what remained of them._

_“It’s your fault, Oluo!" Petra reprimanded him, "You shouldn’t have scared him like that!”_

_The man shrugged, “It was just an innocent joke.”_

_“You said the Captain would flog him if he didn’t finish washing the dishes in time!”_

_“He said what now?”_

_Oluo jumped out of his skin when the captain in the flesh entered the room._

_“C-Captain Levi! It was a joke, just a joke!”_

_Petra could barely contain her feelings of schadenfreude as she saw her comrade shitting his pants at the sight of Levi._

_"You two are dismissed. I'll take care of this."_

_Petra and Oluo saluted before exiting the room, leaving the Captain alone with Eren, who had started picking things up at a faster pace._

_Eren winced as the Captain knelt down in front of him. Levi didn't enjoy being feared, but he couldn't blame the boy. After what had recently happened in the courtroom, it was only natural that his body and mind reacted that way, upon seeing him._

_"You didn't cut yourself, did you?"_

_"N-No, I'm fine."_

_Eren knew his concern wasn't for him, but for the fear he might turn into a titan. He was surprised when the Captain started picking up the fallen objects with him, without reproaching him, without a word of scorn or look of superiority._

_First, they had started with picking up the utensils that hadn't been broken, like cutlery, the dishes and the mugs, and they put them in the sink._

_Most of the kitchenware were made out of wood, except of course the teacups. Nothing could be done for those. The ones that weren't broken into pieces were missing the handle. They were all completely useless._

_"These teacups were new…" He said, grumpily, as he and Eren were picking up the pieces and putting them on a tray. He was surely going to deduct their cost from Oluo's salary._

_Eren's casted his eyes down, "I'm sorry…"_

_Levi took pity on him. His eyes looked so ashamed, for something that wasn't even his fault. Just like being a titan wasn't his fault, yet Levi knew he felt ashamed for that. It was a feeling he had hidden deep inside his feline heart, deep behind his catlike eyes. He would never show it on the surface, but Levi's eyes went further than skin deep._

_"It's okay. Blame Oluo's shitty jokes. Maybe I should flog him for real so he learns his lesson."_

_Eren laughed softly. He could alleviate his tension even a little bit and for that, Levi felt quite satisfied._

_"This one is just chipped. You can barely see it…?"_

_Eren was holding up the only teacup that has miraculously saved itself from the disaster, getting out of it with just a small chip._

_"Throw it away with the others."_

_"But… it's just a chip. I'd be a waste to throw it away just for that..."_

_It was endearing how he was trying to minimize the damage, but a single teacup wouldn't have made any difference._

_"It's just a cup, Eren." Levi reassured him, showing a softness he had never let transpire before._

_Eren was taken aback. He was used to a much colder and aloof side of Levi._

_Besides, I wouldn't want you to accidentally cut your lip and turn into a titan in the middle of the mess hall."_

_"I'm not that stupid…" Eren mumbled, and Levi pretended not to hear him._

_"Throw them away and go to bed. I'll take care of the dishes here."_

_"_ _Are you sure, Captain? I can-"_

_"You look tired as fuck. It's off to bed with you, no questions."_

_"Okay… goodnight, Sir." He said, saluting, barely refraining his lips from curling into a small smile._

_"'Night."_

_As he was washing the dishes, Levi heard Eren walking to the trash can, who was just near the exit, and throwing away the broken cups. He didn't leave immediately; the boy lingered on the doorsill, like an early bird on the branch of a tree, staring at you from outside the window, ready to fly away as soon as you glanced at him._

_Levi felt Eren's eyes on him, but he didn't turn around. The boy observed him just for a moment, before taking off._

_From that day on, Eren never again felt scared, or intimidated by Levi's presence. That day, he saw the beauty in that heart who seemed made of steel._

_Had Levi turned around, he would've seen the boy taking the chipped cup from the trashcan and hiding it beneath his jacket._

Levi was holding the cup in his hands, stroking the smooth surface with both his thumbs.

He never threw it away. Eren kept it. All this time, all these years, and he kept it. Levi felt something wet on his cheeks, then two drops of liquid fell on the teacup's white porcelain. He touched his face with two fingers and only then he realized he was crying.

After placing the chipped cup carefully in the box, he hugged the pillow, curled up on the bed and let his tears run free. He hoped burying his face in the pillow would've muffled his desperate cries. The last thing he wanted, was for someone to come in and ask him if he was okay. Because he wasn't. And he didn't know when and if he was ever going to be okay again.

Eren wasn't coming back. He was never coming back.

He couldn't help feeling he had failed Eren so bad. Perhaps if he had talked to him, if only he had noticed how he was slipping away from him, from everyone, maybe things would have been different. He could blame no one but his own negligence. After all the time he had spent protecting him, all he had left was his badge, a chipped cup and a chipped heart.

*

Many years later, there were various rumors among the survey corps, on what exactly was the story of the mysterious teacup in Corporal Levi's office. The raven haired man kept it under a bell jar, so that dust could never lay on it. So that no one could ever touch it.

Some assumed it was a collector's piece, but looked so simple and ordinary it was hard to believe. It didn't have many hand painted details, it didn't have golden rims, it didn't have precious gems embedded in it.

It was a plain, white porcelain teacup, with just two leaves of a delicate blue painted on it. So small, you could barely notice them. And it even had a chip in it. The ones who still went with the collector's piece theory, believed it must've belonged to someone important. And they would be right, not just in the way they thought. Everytime someone tried to ask Levi about it, he would always evade the question grouchily, or just plainly tell them to mind their own business. One time, he almost beat up a new recruit who had tried to touch it, and he would have, if Jean wasn't there to hold him back.

It was Levi's secret. The symbol of an unspoken message between him and Eren.

No one else needed to know. And no one else ever did. It was a secret Levi brought to his grave with him.


End file.
